tish you

Last month, I went to my very first tish.

What’s a tish you ask?

So did I. The wedding invitation indicated that it was an opportunity to celebrate the bride and the groom individually before the ceremony. Bring a story. A poem. A song. Whatever. Just come to celebrate that person. This is apparently a common practice at Jewish weddings. I think it’s typical for the groom to have a tish in Jewish practice, maybe not the bride. Being that this was my first Jewish or semi-Jewish wedding, it was all Yiddish to me.

I attended the bride’s tish which began about an hour before the ceremony. Friends from near and far gathered around and told stories about the bride as a child, as an adolescent and a young adult. It was a fun hour reminiscing about how she got to that day…her wedding day. The stories were funny and sentimental.

Overall, I was tickled by my first tish.

Fast forward 4 weeks and I found myself at a rehearsal dinner for another young bride and groom who would soon be husband and wife. We went through all of the rehearsal dinner rituals…cocktails, hors d’ oeuvres , dinner and before dessert, speeches. Usually the host, or the groom’s father, says a few words about how delighted he is to welcome the daughter-in-law into the family and how she’s a great match for his son.

At this particular rehearsal dinner, the father of the groom spoke followed by a brave 10 year old who was a junior bridesmaid and the bride’s niece. She spoke about how her aunt is her favorite aunt and how happy she was for the bride.

Then it snowballed.

One person after another stood up and spoke about the couple. They told funny stories and, of course, stories about the beginning. When the couple met and how they got to the current day.

I sat back and listened.

I thought about how much I really like these impromptu speeches pre-wedding. Call it a tish. Call it a celebration. It doesn’t matter. See, the ceremony is totally scripted but these speeches are less planned and seemingly a surprise to the bride and groom. It is fun to hear so many perspectives about the bride and/or the groom in small gatherings before the actual ceremony. I even learned new facts about people that I know rather well. You never knew who will say what!

-The perennial bridesmaid

speak easy

Last month I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I recall writing a panicked post about this event as it approached and I was, um, speechless. Well one sleepless night I managed to get all of my thoughts on paper in some sort of organized fashion. And I delivered the speech at the wedding as requested.

They laughed. They cried. Success, right? Tears and laughter were my goal.

But because I can’t speak in front of an audience off the cuff like the wedding belle, I really needed to prepare. So here’s my advice to all you fearful wedding speech givers out there. I’m pretty sure you won’t find this anywhere else when you google wedding toast or speech. (Trust me. I looked for this kind of guidance.)

Consider the audience you are delivering the speech to. Yes, fourth grade grammar. In other words, do you want to speak to the bride and groom directly in second person for the guests to listen in on? Or do you prefer to speak to the guests about the bride and groom in third person while the couple listens in?

Second person = you fell in love and got married.
Third person = they fell in love and got married.

There’s no right or wrong way to do it really. This is personal preference but absolutely something to think about. Ask yourself who you are addressing.

What else? If you do go the route of writing the speech in advance, write like you speak. If it’s written like a novel or textbook, I think you will lose your audience quickly.

Things that I knew I wanted to avoid… I’ve heard a lot of wedding toasts and a few stick out in my mind. Not for good reasons. Not everyone needs to prepare a speech. Some people are gifted like that. If you are not one of them, prepare something or you may end up a rambling fool. Recognize the difference between a wedding speech and a lecture or church homily. Seriously. I’ve seen it and it’s awkward! On the other end, if you haven’t prepared, it may be too short and therefore, empty. Also awkward.

And finally don’t make the speech all about you. Ok, you should probably introduce yourself somewhere throughout the speech. Obviously interject your tidbits about the couple or your perspective of their relationship. This is where the humor can come in. But I once heard a girl talk all about her and the bride’s (her sister) relationship growing up and how they weren’t actually friends and blah blah. The works. I’m pretty sure she never mentioned the groom. At all. Double Awkward!

I’m no expert on this topic but these are some points that I took into consideration when writing my speech and observing others. Overall, just speak from the heart about your bride and groom. And that’s really all you need to know!

-The perennial bridesmaid

going global

Man, I love weddings but they are seriously popping up left and right. In the last 2 weeks, 2 great friends got engaged! Yay!

The first proposal was on the back of a boat at sunset. How romantic! Having known both the guy and girl separately for years and now watching them unite forever is truly awesome!

The second proposal occurred 2 nights ago. He popped the question at the exact location of where they first met. All of their friends were in on the surprise so they were there to take pictures. Mexico 2011 here we come!

Love is in the air this weekend. On the same day, in 2 different time zones I have a couples shower and a wedding. Obviously, I can’t be in 2 places so I am attending the wedding and, yes, giving a speech! Although, I am a bridesmaid in the wedding that the shower is being held for, I will just have to be there in spirit. Bummer.

Finally, dresses. I need to pick up a bridesmaid dress this afternoon and place an order for another one for a March wedding. The collection is growing. So far, I haven’t worn the same color twice in a wedding!

Looks like I am facing 2011 head on! It is shaping up to be the biggest wedding year yet with 7-8 on the horizon so far. I'm updating the countdowns on the right as quickly as possible! There seem to be more destinations playing into these wedding themes too. That should make for some interesting posts.

Stay tuned.

-The perennial bridesmaid

writer's block

Why is it that I rarely have a problem coming up with strong words to write here but when it comes time to write something meaningful, I’m stumped?

Where am I going with this?

I have the honor of giving a speech at my friend’s wedding in a few weeks. There are so many things I could say. So many directions I could take it. The hard part is articulating it into a speech (and not one of my crazy blog posts) that makes sense to a broad audience of friends and family.

Funny because I actually thought the hard part would be delivering it but I seem to be less worried about that aspect. I suppose all of the past wedding reading experiences have prepared me for this opportunity. Wedding reading should be a pre-requisite to toast giving. Just a thought…

I already had an idea of how to open the speech and close it thanks to the public speaking class that was required in college. They did promise me that I would need those skills in my adult life. So in case you’re wondering, the standard structure in this case is to open with a shout out to everyone who made this possible and close with a toast to the couple. What’s in between is usually heartfelt and hopefully comical as well.

As I tried to organize my thoughts, I googled wedding speeches. There are actually sites dedicated to free wedding toasts. I recommend you do this for fun some time. I don’t recommend using the free speeches though. The sappy poems and metaphors are kind of funny but not what I had in mind.

May your winters be full of twinkling white lights,
may your springs be full of freshly picked flowers,
may your summers be full of bright blue oceans and
may your autumns be full of warm cups of tea.

Ha. Really!?

Stay tuned for the results!

-The perennial bridesmaid