smokin'

Most people select a glossy ivory wedding card from Hallmark and insert some cash or a fat check when going to a wedding. This is pretty standard and it’s what most expect to receive as a wedding gift. Often the couple is registered at a few home stores. It’s easy to select a gift for the couple if you don’t want to just give cash. And of course, some wedding goers get creative and shop off the registry for a crystal frame, vase or the like for the couple’s gift. The adventurous may even give a wine of the month gift which was my personal favorite gift to give in 2008.

But no one has ever given the gift I am about to tell you about before now. I suppose I should never say never! But seriously…

My friends were like 2 kids on Christmas morning unwrapping their wedding gifts the morning after their reception. They tore through numerous cards and saved the wrapped gift boxes for last. The came to a large rectangular box, opened the card and saw that it was from the groom’s uncle and family. The paper came off to reveal a Pamper’s box. Surely they didn’t receive diapers as a gift. Upon further review, the gift was inside. You’ll never believe it…

Hot Sauce.

A variety of hot sauce. Yep, the kind you put on wings. Unbelievable. Strangest wedding gift ever! I could understand if there was some kind of inside joke. Maybe the couple loves wings or hosts a wing eating contest every year or the wedding was barbecue style as opposed to the actual formal wedding that it was. But no, there was no common denominator. It was just a totally random diaper box full of condiments from a family of six. Pun intended?

Who doesn't love hot sauce?   I’m nearly speechless.

-The perennial bridesmaid


Hot Sauce by ChefKnifeRevolution

the nerve

A close friend asked for my advice the other day on how to politely decline the request to use her house to host a bridal shower. This sounds like a tough one but it actually isn’t. Once you hear more details, you too will agree that she needs to say no.

Let’s call my friend Sally.

Sally was recently married. She chose her family members as her bridesmaids. They threw her a lovely bridal shower. (Not totally relevant to this story.) One of these family members is now engaged and chose to have mostly friends for bridesmaids and did not include Sally. She was fine with this decision. Less responsibility for her, right?

Wrong.

The harem of bridesmaids decided that the shower should be held at a family member’s house so they asked Sally to host! Sweet Sally was put on the spot and quickly agreed. Only a few days passed when she realized that she didn’t really WANT this responsibility nor was her husband too happy with it. After all, she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid so why take this huge task on?

My advice? I told her that she needs to tell these girls that she is not able to host the shower at her house. Period. It’s not her responsibility!

The kicker is that some of these other girls have houses where they can hold the shower. Of course, there are other options like having it out somewhere if their budget allows.

The bottom line is that the bridesmaids are responsible for hosting the bridal shower (and the mothers of the bride or groom, if they so choose). That is exactly why a bride choses bridesmaids.  They are essentially friends and family chosen to host events and help the bride throughout the wedding process. 

-The perennial bridesmaid

bridal shower invitation by yours truly
note it says: Hosted by the Bridesmaids

escort service

Cocktail hour is winding down and you are trying to find your seat. You go over to a large table and pick up a little escort card with your name on it. You know the one. It’s folded in half and in calligraphy it says you and your husband’s name or you and your date’s name or maybe just you “and guest”. Next to said names, it lists your table number.

There are always so many questions around how to properly do the escort cards. I am here to finally regulate the right and wrong way to the escort cards/list/board.

Rule #1 – only ONE escort card per couple, married or unmarried.
The only time you would stray from this rule is when they are not sitting together. For example, you may have a head table where your bridesmaids are sitting and their dates are at another table. Then obviously the dates get another escort card with their table number.

Rule #2 – Fill in ALL guests’ names.
If they are married, it should read: Mr.& Mrs. John Smith OR John & Jane Smith. (How formal you are is really up to how formal you want your wedding to be.)
If they are not married, it should read: John Smith & Jane Doe BUT if Jane Doe was your invited guest and she’s bringing John Smith as a date, put Jane’s name first. Jane Doe & John Smith
When you receive the couple’s response card, you should fill in the names that they listed there. If they choose to put “Jane Doe and guest” on their response card, then and only then is it ok to put that on their escort card.  Obviously they didn't read the 4th bullet point in the post about how to properly RSVP.

Rule #3 – Alphabetize by last name.
So that guests can easily find their name and table, be sure to alphabetize with the invited guest’s last name. Mr.& Mrs. John Smith would be under S. If Jane Doe is bringing John Smith as a guest, then they are alphabetized under D. Jane Doe & John Smith

Feel free to replace “escort card” anywhere above with “line on a guest board” where ever necessary. Many couples are opting for these trendy lists. They’re cool and often less labor intensive for the couple to put together. Rock out with it. Just follow the rules above.

-The perennial bridesmaid

Escort Card by impressioninvitation on Etsy

Framed Seating Chart by CAMRYNJOLEE on Etsy

rsvp bloopers

My friend’s wedding invitations just dropped this week. There have already been several odd responses…

First, her groom received a call with someone requesting to bring their baby to the ‘adult only reception’. When her fiancé tried to talk his relative down gently from bringing the baby, the relative responded, “oh but she’s been to a loud wing eating contest. She’ll be fine!”

Looks like the baby won with the couple feeling slightly offended by the comparison of their formal wedding to a wing eating contest.

You should always assume a wedding reception is for adults only UNLESS the invitation envelope specifically lists the child’s name OR the invitation states that ‘children are welcome’ (OR your child is part of the bridal party, of course).

The following day she receives another call from an invitee noting that her invitation is addressed to her ‘and guest’. My friend replies, “That’s correct” and the woman goes on to say that there is only one response card with the invitation. “Where will I put my guest’s entrée choice?”

Seriously people? Get a clue! Fill in your name & your guest’s name in the blank space. Then select 2 entrees. Geez. It’s pretty simple.

That’s still not as funny as when I heard someone crossed out the typed M (meant to indicate Mr., Miss or Ms. on the response card line and started with their first name.   M__________________

-The perennial bridesmaid (off to a rehearsal!)

the lost art

"Répondez s'il vous plaît" is translated from French to mean “Please, respond”. Please respond to my request for you to attend party/wedding/shower/other event where I’d like you to be a guest.

We adapted this etiquette in the US in the 1800s. It was used for formal invitations and a written response was typical. However, RSVP requests have evolved with technology in the last few decades and perhaps that has contributed to the lack of proper responses that are received when RSVP is used. In other words, we now ask people to RSVP via email, on evites, and by phone. As a result, the RSVP practice has sort of been diluted and once a formal invitation does come along the etiquette of a proper RSVP seems to be a lost art!

Let’s review the proper etiquette to RSVP an invitation, formal or informal.

• Reply directly to the RSVP contact listed on the invitation. Do not tell the contact’s brother that you can make the bridal shower and assume that your RSVP will be passed along. Make sure to get your response in to the person requesting it! Do not rely on word of mouth. 
• Respond exactly how your response was requested. If a response card was included, mail it; if a phone number was listed, call it; if an email is available, send a message.
• Make no assumptions. For example, if you are in the bridal party and you receive a formal invitation, send the response back. Perhaps the mother of the bride is keeping the guest list. You can’t assume that they know you’re coming. I have heard countless stories of groomsmen who assumed they didn’t have to respond to the invitation since they were in the wedding. Sure, the couple knows you’re coming but there can be vital info on the response card that they do not know like whether you’ll be having chicken or fish for dinner.
• When using a response card, be sure to fill it out completely so no follow up is needed. You may note an M____________ on the response card. The M is for Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. Start there with your formal name and follow with your guest’s name. IF you were invited with one, it will be clearly noted by how the invitation was addressed to you. The formal response line should look like this Mr. John Smith & Jane Doe OR Mr. John Smith (no guest). If you simply write “Mr. John Smith & Guest”, you’re likely to see that surface again on your reception card at the wedding. It’s best to identify your guest.
• The golden rule to remember when RSVPing is to reply by the date requested on the invitation. It is a pain for anyone to have to chase you down to find out if you will be their guest…not to mention rude of you. It is considered courteous if you respond immediately after receiving the invitation.

Now let’s all practice this exercise. Go check your stack of mail. I am sure there is an invitation in there waiting for a proper response, s'il vous plait.

-The perennial bridesmaid

less is more

…when it comes to centerpieces anyway.

I am a floral designer who is guest blogging for the perennial bridesmaid today to talk centerpieces with you. As it relates to the wedding flowers, only bouquets should play a larger role in the décor AND budget than centerpieces.

Did you know that etiquette says you should be spending the same amount on each centerpiece that you are spending per plate for your guest?

So if you are feeding each guest $125 Filet Mignon, then your pedestal centerpieces should cost you roughly $125 each! I’ve been helping brides plan their wedding flowers for almost 6 years now and trust me; almost no one follows this rule. The truth is, by the time the bride and her family have gotten to the flowers, they’ve maxed out on almost every other area and are already thinking, “I can cut back on the flowers to make up for it.” And that’s ok. There are lots of ways to do it! Let me tell you how…

One of the most popular centerpiece ideas I have been hearing about lately is the “composite” centerpiece. This is where you have several vases on each table, usually a different flower type in each vase, all in the same color scheme. While this style looks beautiful, simple and covers a lot of table space it is NOT budget friendly.

The vases that are used in these schemes are usually cylinders or cubes which are premium glassware. The flowers that are used in these vases, except for hydrangea, require a lot more stems than you would imagine to fill the opening of the vase. The labor to put them all together is multiplied by the number of vases. So if you’d like 3 vases on your table; one with white hydrangea, one with white roses and one with white orchids, you have 3 times the glassware, 3 times the flowers and 3 times the labor. And that all equals, you guessed it: expensive!!

If you’re into this look, do yourself a favor and supply the vases to your florist. Head to your local Home Goods, Tuesday Morning, your favorite second hand store, yard sales or better yet, IKEA and find yourself a collection of vases that sorta look the same. They don’t have to be exactly the same because who’s gonna notice? Plus, the different vases will add charm. This will cut back substantially on your bottom line.

Choose large headed flowers: hydrangea, alstromeria, ‘Moon Series’ carnations, gerbers, etc. to fill up the vase faster.

If you’re not totally attached to the composite idea, go ahead and embrace the less expensive “one vase” option. Lay it on a bed of moss for the organic look instead of the overdone mirror. Surround it with seashells for a beach theme. Scatter cork tops from wine bottles around it for the wine connoisseur couple.

Think outside the vase, I mean, box!

-Renee Tucci, floral designer
renee@pflorist.com

*To see photos of Renee's work, become a fan of 10,000 weddings on facebook.

no, thank you

Ah, writing the dreaded wedding thank you notes. This task can seem endless and overwhelming. Only 200 thank you cards to go... Why not just send out a canned thank you? Select your favorite wedding photo and print ‘thank you. xo’ on it.

Wait! How about reconsidering and just writing the personal thank you cards?  (Feel free to still include the photo.)

I have noticed an increasing trend in these canned wedding thank yous. Have you seen them? They tend to look like the holiday photo cards that everyone is sending with a snapshot of their family and a 2 line message. That is fine for Christmas since it is just meant to be a greeting but in the case of acknowledging your wedding gifts, it seems a bit impersonal. I am speaking from the perspective of guest/gift giver. I am sure that many newlyweds would argue with me that it is a tedious task to write a personal message for 200 guests.  Bring it on.

I consider myself to be a modern gal. I love technology and the ability it has to make life simple and easy at times. Unfortunately, I do not feel that this is one of those times. I am old school when it comes to etiquette and I believe that a personal thank you is much better received, no matter how brief it may be. It is important for me, the gift giver, to know that you actually received and acknowledged my specific gift. I am pretty sure that I am not the only one that feels this way but if you don’t, please tell me if I am being completely old fashioned with this expectation.

I should wrap up my rant by remembering that a canned thank you is better than no thank you.

-The perennial bridesmaid/ Emily Post fan club president