just say no

I strongly dislike hearing wedding related stories that tear friendships apart. Planning a wedding is supposed to be fun but these things happen far more often than you may think. So much so that I’ve been involved in 3 different weddings where a bridesmaid has backed out of the wedding for one reason or another. Sometimes these reasons are justified but it always leaves the bride terribly and usually unnecessarily upset. And no these are not urban legends.

I’m not getting into those backing-out-bridesmaid stories today but I will tell you another story that left a bride disappointed. Tell me, was the bride overreacting?

Here goes…the bride requested that a friend who lived out of town read at her wedding. The out of towner agreed months in advance. She had intentions of flying to the wedding and performing her duties until just 2 weeks prior to the wedding. The reader decided that it wasn’t going to be feasible for her to make it. She told the bride this and the bride was forced to find another reader.

Sounds simple enough.

Here’s the catch. The bride hasn’t spoken to this out of town friend since she called out of her reading responsibilities – nearly a year ago. Who was wrong here? You would think that the out of town reader could’ve given the bride more notice. Perhaps. But if the bride felt this friend was close enough to have her read at her wedding, you would think the friendship was worth keeping. Apparently not.

Emotions seem to get elevated when planning weddings. Remember to keep things in perspective. Your wedding is the most important day to you but unfortunately not everyone reacts the same way. If it is worth retaining the friendship, you two will work it out. If not, then it was never meant to be and she did you a favor by dropping out of your bridal party or not flying in to read at your wedding. Ask dependable people to be a part of your special day.

And on the other hand, if you are asked to take on a responsibility at a friend’s wedding that you don’t think you can handle, just say no! Easier said than done, sure. But you will most likely keep the friendship if you are honest upfront.

Sorry for a somber post today but I have just been hearing so many dramatic stories like this lately and they suck!

-The perennial bridesmaid