Wednesday, June 2, 2010

the X factor

How do you go about inviting ex’s to your wedding?

No! No! Not YOUR ex. That is another blog for another day.

Say there are 2 of your good friends on the guest list who started out as one couple when you made the list (and sent save-the-dates) nearly a year ago. Since then things have changed and they have split or are in the process of splitting. Who do you invite and how do you handle it tactfully?

Here is the advice that I recently gave to a friend in this situation:
Send them separate invitations without any plus ones. Let’s not make the scenario tenser by encouraging them to bring dates.

Typically when people split up, they split up their friends too. It’s not necessarily written in the divorce settlement. It goes unsaid. But it doesn’t mean they leave the relationship with the friends they brought into the relationship. Maybe “who keeps which friends” hasn’t quite been defined yet in your friends' break up.

The separated parties will most likely make the decision individually on whether or not to attend depending on the status of your friendship as it relates to the break up as well as where they are in the break up cycle. Don’t take it personal. (Unless you had a hand in the actual break up. Which is also another topic entirely.)

But before sending an invitation to both parties, ask yourself a few questions.
Am I actually still FRIENDS with both of them?
Do I even have both of their addresses (since they may have moved) or can I easily obtain this?
Have I already been faded out as a friend since said break up?

Maybe they’ve already decided for you on whether you should invite both…

This is definitely a gray area that can change from week to week based on where they are in their split. Do yourself a favor and don’t get involved. Just invite each of them separately and pray for a decline from one of them! IF they both come, don’t seat them near each other. Obviously.

-The perennial bridesmaid

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